I remember the car hitting the embankment. The car taking to the air and crashing down on the train tracks. The sparks shooting out from the undercarriage as the vehicle slid down the tracks, the screeching of metal against metal. I remember the sound of the train as it approached. I remember trying to open the door, trying to kick my way out. I remember crawling out of the mangled wreckage. Minutes later the train struck my car on the North Carolina-Virginia border. The seasons come and go, but I remember everything.
On my back, staring up at the stars I'm always reminded that no matter where I go, those same stars that shined down on me in past lives, still shine down on me today. Their same light, millions of years old, is the same light that has seen every bit of my life. It was there, and it's here now.
I look up at the stars here in Cardiff as I turn the corner. I make them a deal, trying to convince myself into others' false beliefs. I should know better by now. I tend to discount my intuition, and no matter how many times I try to be pragmatic, no matter how I rationalize, when I ask the stars, they always show me the truth that I have always known. The truth is this, the world is just a rock spinning in nothingness, a thousand miles per hour. At face value we all accept this as normal, but short of our elementary school education, its absolutely absurd. That our lives, everything we do, and everything we are is controlled by a star that will one day collapse, and take every thought, dream, and tear that every human has ever shed, with it.
So with that absurdity in my life, when I find myself in a situation where I find myself alone, by myself, walking down a lone street. I look up at the stars and it makes me smile. Because none of it matters, and all of it matters. What we feel, the pain, the joy, the loneliness, matters while we dance here on Earth as we spin out of control. Yet, despite this loss of freewill, we can still choose to shape the destiny of our each moment. We can choose to smile and walk away when all the doors are locked and the train is barreling towards you. You just have to help out the stars sometimes and carry the light when it won't carry you. Less we not forget that the same star that drives us to coincidence and confusion is the same star that everything on this crazy rock is made of, including you and me. So never, ever stop shining.