Gilman Scholarship - What's wrong with me?

First, this post is how I'm going to deal with it. So expect so irrational behavior, some ranting and raving... there is no why, it just is! No sore losing... just working through the value of my life online (that's normal right?).
So I need to write something, I've got to get it off my chest. It's not that I feel anything is owed to me, it's that I'd like to know what the heck is wrong with me? Seriously?
I suppose I should back-up. The Gilman Scholarship is a grant given to "non-traditional" students (check), who receive the Pell Grant (thus are poor [check]). While there is a preference for non-European student exchanges, many students do get awards for the heart of Europe. Oddly, Belgium, the heart of Europe Government- only had two students awarded. Considering the scope of European politics and crisis, and its effect on the U.S., you would feel someone intending to go to Brussels would be as valuable to U.S. human capital as those in China. It…
So I need to write something, I've got to get it off my chest. It's not that I feel anything is owed to me, it's that I'd like to know what the heck is wrong with me? Seriously?
I suppose I should back-up. The Gilman Scholarship is a grant given to "non-traditional" students (check), who receive the Pell Grant (thus are poor [check]). While there is a preference for non-European student exchanges, many students do get awards for the heart of Europe. Oddly, Belgium, the heart of Europe Government- only had two students awarded. Considering the scope of European politics and crisis, and its effect on the U.S., you would feel someone intending to go to Brussels would be as valuable to U.S. human capital as those in China. It…