To Live is to Risk


I'm not sure exactly what to write tonight, I just know I should. It's been too long since I've posted anything here and far too many people have been wondering about life here in the Diff (Cardiff). My arrival was interrupted by the death of my mother-in-law, a fact which I'm sure she's proud of. Her talents at being difficult seem to have followed her beyond this life and into the next realm. The planning and effort required by those living to make my return to the States has left me a bit unsettled here in Cardiff (none the less, I'm grateful for everyone helping me). I'm now back and its now time to begin what will come next.

Next is a rather unique word because really none of us know what's truly lying in our future. Never could I have imagined several years ago, how a dream could become a reality. While blogging tends to be quite narcissistic simply by its nature, it's important for me to thank everyone who has helped me arrive at this moment, living my wildest dream here in Wales. My parents, my wife, my teachers and my children. You've ferried me into the arms of friends and strangers, trusting my fragile existence to risk.

Tonight on the phone to home, while discussing my mother-in-law's death, I came to the conclusion that the definition of life is risk. To live is to risk and to risk it all is the difference between Heaven and Hell in death. Some choose to play life safe and die being remembered by everyone whom are proud to say that you lived up to their expectations. Then there are others, likely me, who will be hated in death. I'll be lucky to have anyone show up at my funeral. I've pissed everyone off, I've ignored precedent, rules and too commonly advice. In its place I've experienced the unexpected, realized freedoms most will never know and learned the hard way how life works. I've been knocked down, ran over, punched in the face and left for dead. Yet somehow, I always get back up. I keep moving forward.

Of course, someday my story will come to an end. My momentum will no longer be enough for me to escape the gravity of death. As far as I know, no one ever escapes the darkness after the light, but if we can shine bright enough during our short time here, then maybe something of us will remain behind, an eternal flame carried by others.

I will carry Carol's flame whether she likes it or not.  Though I personally don't believe she found the same comfort in risk as I, people like myself, life addicts, will shoulder her flame and will continue to burn humanity into eternity.

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