Showing posts from May, 2015

Going Under: The Drowning.

We came upon a murky lake, but she thinks its just a dark puddle. Below the surface is a huge angry tree with branches like arms. She steps through the water like a child on a rainy day expecting it to be only a few inches deep, and plummets endlessly to the bottom. I wait for her to surface, but I know the truth, that she's tangled up in the limbs, unable to surface. I reach into the water and find a hand. I try to release her from the grip of the darkness but I'm not strong enough. Seconds turn into minutes and I begin to panic. I can feel the life leave her limbs, she draws her final breaths, as I convince myself into the darkness. This is when I wake up.

As I do, whenever I have this dream, I spend most of the day consumed with what I did wrong. I contemplate what I would change to have saved her from the abyss. If I could just go back to sleep, find this lake and dive in sooner, perhaps I wouldn't wake with guilt. Perhaps I could have pulled her through to the surfac…

Never Stop Shining.

I remember the car hitting the embankment. The car taking to the air and crashing down on the train tracks. The sparks shooting out from the undercarriage as the vehicle slid down the tracks, the screeching of metal against metal. I remember the sound of the train as it approached. I remember trying to open the door, trying to kick my way out. I remember crawling out of the mangled wreckage. Minutes later the train struck my car on the North Carolina-Virginia border. The seasons come and go, but I remember everything.

On my back, staring up at the stars I'm always reminded that no matter where I go, those same stars that shined down on me in past lives, still shine down on me today. Their same light, millions of years old, is the same light that has seen every bit of my life. It was there, and it's here now. 
I look up at the stars here in Cardiff as I turn the corner. I make them a deal, trying to convince myself into others' false beliefs. I should know better by now. I…

Drive it like you stole it.

There are these roads that exist out in the middle of New Mexico. Hundreds of miles of blacktop where you won't see another car for hours. A few years back, I was driving down one of these roads in a 300 horsepower muscle car doing about 90 miles-per-hour.  I had spent the last few days driving from North Carolina to California. I was blasting down the highway for hours with the top off and the radio up, when I came up on a State Trooper. Though I was behind him, he immediately knew that my approach was in excess of the posted speed limit, and turned on his lights.

I don't own a car here in Cardiff. I no longer get my daily intoxication of shifting gears or the rush of pushing tons of steal to its limits around a corner. The speed of my life is now dictated by how I race from one moment to the next. Unfortunately, there are no roll cages in life, no off-ramps, just continual perpetual momentum from person to person, situation to to situation. There are no caution flags in thi…